i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize