If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
