My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
