dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize