trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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