You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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