hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
