I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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