no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
