i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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