Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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