I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
