so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
