oh god the rape fog is back!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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