Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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