That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
