when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
