Need sex. Gaining weight.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im part way to drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
