I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
