I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
