Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
that's an acceptable place to lick
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do herpes really smell.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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