she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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