You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it because I queefed?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
