You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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