we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
