I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
