if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
