ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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