super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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