It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
