Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
