Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
