My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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