whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
