neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
