Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
