Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
