Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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