I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
time to smoke my breakfast
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
