SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
