Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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