So drunk its hurt
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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