So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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