My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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