You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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