Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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