We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
