i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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