i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
