not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
