Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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