so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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