the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
