and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
