It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
