Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
