I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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