She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
