hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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