Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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