I CAN MOONWALK!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
