I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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