Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize