I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
