Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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