eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
