you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
