Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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