if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
