You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
