There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
