How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize