If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I look better un-naked...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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