Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
