Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
