we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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