I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
