So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
