i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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