I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
