ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize