full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
