There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize