I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Randomize
