Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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