We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Randomize
