I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
