a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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