The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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