i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize