So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im six kinds of drunk right now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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