Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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