you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
