16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
