you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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