the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
