the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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