After last night, I could never be a politician.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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