I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
