plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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