so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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